Read for Free: “Just Ask Pastor!” script excerpt

Just Ask Pastor! character list

I recently finished writing not one but two new plays. This is why my weekly blog post has not been weekly this month (i.e., has not appeared at all—yikes). By October 3rd, I’d written more than 20,000 words in just over two weeks, and at that point I had no more words inside me—and the following week I was out of the office.

So I apologize for my absence! But I’m back now, functioning at more or less normal capacity, and I’m here to remind you that it’s still Pastor Appreciation Month! It’s been exciting to see a lot of interest in our new skit Just Ask Pastor!, and there’s still time in October to put together this little play to celebrate your pastor.

To give you a glimpse of what our skit actually looks like, today we’re posting an excerpt from the script for you to read for free! These are just the opening lines, but at least you can meet Paul, Sara, and Gloria and get a feel for what’s going on:

SCENE ONE

[Paul and Sara enter and sit down at a little table, each holding a Bible.]

Paul: [as he sits down] My dear, that breakfast was delicious.

Sara: [smiling] Why, thank you.

Paul: [sighs contentedly] This sure is nice, isn’t it? I can’t believe I get to stay at home with you all day. How often does that happen?

Sara: [reluctantly] Um, there is a board meeting tonight.

Paul: [disappointed] Oh, right. I keep forgetting that. [sighs] Oh well, it’s just one thing. I’ll still have all day to work here with you. No distractions, no endless string of questions to answer. [chuckles, shaking his head]

Sara: That’s right. [as she opens up her Bible] You’ll have hours of quiet to work on your sermon, and maybe you can finish that book you’ve been reading.

Paul: Oh yes, finally! That’ll be wonderful. [Paul and Sara contentedly settle down to reading. After a few seconds of silence, Paul’s cell phone rings. He pulls the phone from his pocket and answers the call.] Hello? Pastor Paul speaking.

Gloria: [offstage, in an annoyingly bright voice, possibly a Southern accent] Good morning, Pastor! This is Gloria Olson.

Paul: [raises his eyebrows knowingly, smiling] Morning, Gloria. [Sara smiles and rolls her eyes.]

Gloria: I have a question for you about our church meet-and-greet next week.

Paul: Yes?

Gloria: Well, I know I’m gonna serve hamburgers, but I’m trying to choose what sides to have. You think we should go full on junk food, with chips and all, or should we try to include something healthy, like a salad?

Paul: Um…I don’t think it matters much, Gloria. Whatever you think folks would enjoy.

Gloria: Well, you know, some people might be offended if we didn’t offer something healthy, seeing how everyone’s on some kind of sugar-free, gluten-free, food-free diet these days. But then again, you know, junk food tends to be cheaper, and I don’t want to exceed the church budget.

Paul: Really, Gloria, whatever you think’s best will be fine, I’m sure. I don’t think a salad will unhinge the budget.

Gloria: Well…okay. So you’re in favor of something healthy?

Paul: Sure, yeah.

Gloria: Alright, thank you!

Paul: You’re welcome. [about to hang up]

Gloria: Now, I have one more question. [Paul looks expressively at Sara.] For background music, I don’t know if it should be sacred, you know, like maybe the Gettys, or if it’s okay to have something a bit more…upbeat. Like Mandisa, or that McToby guy my kids tell me about. I don’t know. What do you prefer?

Paul: Honestly, Gloria, I trust you to make that choice. [meaningfully] That’s why the board made you our Events Coordinator.

Gloria: Well, thanks, I appreciate that. But you know, I can see pros and cons to both, so that’s why I thought I’d ask you, since you’re the Pastor. So which style do you like better?

Paul: [takes a deep breath, not allowing himself to get annoyed] I’m fine with either. Personally, I really enjoy the Gettys’ music, but it’s not like my opinion is—

Gloria: [interrupting] Great! We’ll do the Gettys. Thanks, Pastor! Hope you have a good morning.

Paul: [slightly surprised at her suddenness] Uh, thanks, you too.

And that’s just the beginning! Gloria might call a second time. And also a third. And maybe once more after that. You get the picture. Each question is a little more bizarre than the last, and Pastor Paul’s patience is thoroughly tested! It’s only at the end of the skit that the surprising reason for Gloria’s calls is revealed, putting a new light on everything that’s happened.

Interested? Just Ask Pastor! is available here in our Shop for just $15.00, and the script is delivered by email the same day you place your order. Questions? Contact us here or email kittywham@gmail.com and we’ll work quickly to help out however we can.

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