“Really Remarkable Romance” Script Excerpt

Really Remarkable Romance (2)

Does the title “Really Remarkable Romance” sound a little cheesy (or super cheesy)? It should! This short play’s power comes from its integration of light comedy with cutting insight, a blend that ultimately uncovers the hard truth about human selfishness and our ability to believe an illusion.

Today we’re sharing a sneak peek of the play’s opening lines. But first, to give you an overview, here’s the description from the play’s web page (Really Remarkable Romance):

Jackie has always guarded her heart, patiently waiting for that perfect Christian guy to come sweep her off her feet. She’s been so careful, she’s never even dated anyone! Of course, she does loan her heart occasionally, to movies, books, crushes…but she’ll never actually give it away until she meets Mr. Right.

When two sales representatives from Soulmate Source, Inc. show up at her door, Jackie finally gets the sweet deal she’s been dreaming of. Or does she?

This short play has a cast of 4 characters, 3 female and 1 male, plus a small narratorial role that can be filled either by a fifth actor or by one of the four main players. The play runs 6-7 minutes and meets A.C.E. (Accelerated Christian Education) convention guidelines for One-Act Plays.

With that setup, here’s the beginning of Scene One, where we get our first glimpse of Jackie and meet Soulmate Source’s two savvy sales representatives.

SCENE ONE

[Jackie sits with her laptop in front of her, earbuds in, watching a chick flick. She has a bag of chocolates and a box of tissues beside her, and for a while she sits staring at the screen and sniffling, periodically blowing her nose between chocolates. Someone knocks on the door; she doesn’t hear, shoving another chocolate in her mouth. Several seconds later, the knock is repeated, louder, and this time she hears it.]

Jackie: [reluctantly pauses the movie, pulls out her earbuds, and stands, heaving a sigh] Honestly! He was just about to propose to her! [moving to the door] Can’t it wait? [opening door] Hello?

Karen: [standing in the doorway with Meg, who holds three catalogs under her arm] Hello, ma’am! [brightly] Are you single and discontent?

Jackie: [taken aback] Um…I wouldn’t say “discontent,” exactly. [corrects herself, remembering the “right” thing to say] Well, I don’t base my contentment on my relationship status, if that’s what you mean.

Meg: [knowingly] Ah, of course. But…you would be happier if you had a Really Remarkable Real Romance?

Jackie: [hesitatingly] I guess so—sure.

Karen: Then you’re in luck! Here’s our card. [hands card to Jackie]

Jackie: [reading] “Soulmate Source, Incorporated. Your supplier of Really Remarkable Real Romance.”

Meg: [cheerfully] Where our motto is, “It Seems Like a Good Idea at First Sight.”

Jackie: Oh. [hesitates for a moment, then happily steps back from the door] Why don’t you come inside!

Karen: Thank you! [both saleswomen follow Jackie inside]

Meg: [seeing the laptop screen, smiles and points] Ah, how do you like that film?

Jackie: It’s one of my favorites.

Meg: [nods knowingly] Chick flicks are very popular among our customers.

Jackie: Interesting. So you sell Romance?

Karen: That’s right. [Meg pulls out one of the catalogs.] Perhaps you’d like to browse some of our options.

Jackie: [clearly interested] Well…it can’t hurt to see what you have. [as Meg opens up the catalog, Jackie hesitates, looking suddenly serious] Now, you should know—I’m a Christian, so of course I wouldn’t want a Romance that involves anything…you know, iffy.

Meg: Ah, of course. [puts first catalog away, pulls out the second] This is our selection of Really Remarkable Righteous Romances.

Jackie: Perfect! Show me the options!

Meg: [opens to the front pages] Well, I’ve got a smart, tall, young doctor fresh out of med school (who’s a youth leader at his church), and he comes with this cottage in New England—

Jackie: [gasps, pointing] It’s gorgeous! We’d live there?

Meg: Well…it’s where you’d go on your honeymoon.

Jackie: [looking closer] Oh, I see, “Actual living arrangements not pictured.”

. . .

And…you’ll have to contact us if you want to read more! If you’re interested and want to read the rest to determine whether it’s right for your actors, just leave us a message here or send an email to kittywham@gmail.com. We can send you a preview copy of the complete script so that you can read it before deciding whether to buy.

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